Getting Past the Gatekeeper

2012-01-11T11:08:00.001-05:00

From a query today:

"Women with clean houses do not have finished books."-Joy Held

I agree entirely.

The cutest no-knead bread you've ever seen. If you haven't tried it...well, now you'll want to.

2011-12-29T13:50:00.001-05:00

There are many versions of this recipe, but this is my favorite--practical, delicious, and easily accomplished by a four-year-old.

Yes, you read that right.*

I suppose you could call this episode of GK's Kitchen: Are you a better baker than a four-year-old?

Steer your browsers to Steamy Kitchen, and get your bread ready to go down for its nap (yes, nap--hey, you try explaining bread to a small child!): http://steamykitchen.com/168-no-knead-bread-revisited.html

Don't get worried by the start-to-finish times. Most of that time is the bread sitting there while you do something else.

Happily, the bread can nap (and sleep) while you do.

And yes, the bread really does turn out this wonderfully. Your friends will think you bought it from a bakery.

Would go very well with Nigella's soup, below.

In fact, I think I will make both for my mini dinner party tomorrow.

Thanks, Steamy Kitchen!

_______________________________
*The lawyers at GK Enterprises do not assume any responsibility for loss or damage to bread or children. We recommend keeping children far away from ovens.

Soup for Writing

2011-12-29T12:02:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but I like snacks while I write. And I'm always cold, so I like soups in the winter (and spring, and fall, and in overly air conditioned summer, too).

This one was a hit at my house. Note that there are two versions--the Food Network version, and the "I live on a writing budget"/"I like microwaves" version.

This is taken from Nigella's holiday book:

There is also a very powerful recipe for a "poinsettia" drink, which is dangerously delicious.

There are several versions of the book's recipe online. Here are the closest I found. They involve ingredients like Marsala wine, buttermilk, Roquefort, and other things I do not have in my tiny kitchen.
http://www.eatlikeanactress.com/2011/02/butternut-squash-i-love-you.html
http://www.nigella.com/recipes/view/butternut-and-sweet-potato-soup-66 (oddly, not the closest to the book version)
http://eatlittlebird.com/2011/12/21/roast-pumpkin-sweet-potato-soup/#more-2451

GK version:
One normal-sized butternut squash
One sweet potato (a large one)
One large, sweet yellow onion, chopped
Olive oil or butter
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground nutmeg
2 cubes Knorr veggie bouillon (in your soup aisle!)
3.5 cups hot water
1/2 cup Marsala (if you have it) or white cooking wine (I used the $3 kind)
1 cup minus 1 tbs milk
1 tbs vinegar (white)
1/2 to 1/3 cup Parmesan cheese

It looks like this if you have a food stylist.

Step one: Preheat oven to 400. Cut squash into four chunks (half the long way and the wide way), scoop out seeds. Place cut side down on baking sheet. Bake until tender, around 20-30 minutes.

Step two: In the meantime, scrub, poke, and nuke your sweet potato on high for five or six minutes, until it is eating consistency. If a fork goes in easily, you're done. Set aside.

Step three: Also in the meantime, bring the three and a half cups of water to a boil on your stove. Add the bouillon. Cook until it's dissolved. Set this aside, too.

Step four: Brown the onion in olive oil in a large pot.

Step five: When the potato and squash are cooked, scoop out the cooked insides and add to the big pot with the browned onion. Add cinnamon and nutmeg. When everything has had a chance to combine over medium heat (around five minutes), add half to your blender with half of the broth. Blend. Repeat with other half. Return all soup to pan. Add in cooking wine. I used the $3 stuff. It was fine. Stir. Heat, but don't cook.

Step six: Now, to make fake buttermilk! Combine vinegar and milk. Stir. Let sit five minutes. Rinse out your blender, then combine buttermilk and cheese.

Step seven: Eat! Put soup into each bowl, and drizzle with buttermilk and cheese mixture. Et voila! Soup!

You Deserve Nothing

2011-12-29T11:48:00.001-05:00

Not you, dear query writer. Not you.

I just finished Alexander Maksik's new novel, You Deserve Nothing, in almost one sitting--in a moral vacuum, I found it a delightful mix of highbrow sentences with lowbrow subject matter (rather like Zoe Heller's What Was She Thinking? Notes on a Scandal--which is, by the way, far better than the movie). In this novel, Paris gives the reader just what the armchair traveler wishes for--cafes, croissants*, idealism, beauty, romance--and existentialism, moral ambiguity, disillusionment, and heartbreak.

I had a vague notion that people had claimed this story was true--after all, it'd be such a neat, fitting scandal, tied up a bow, if it were--so I didn't give it much weight.

And then I read this: How A Teacher’s Alleged Student Affair Became His Acclaimed ‘Novel’.

And now I feel ill.

Did any of you have the same reaction? Did you like the book? Do you believe the rumors? (I have a hard time imagining the real life Marie would make such a thing up--and can only imagine how she feels.)

Is this better than what James Frey did--or worse? How much of a work needs to change from the original (or real life) version for it to be considered, by the well-researched public, fiction--and to what extent does this need to be provable? Should we assume all first novels are, to some degree, autobiographical? And, if so, when do we assume they're harming others? Should he have taken a pen name--and would that have made it better?

See footnote about croissants in this novel.

This image is taken from Pastry Paris: In Paris, Everything Looks Like Dessert, which is a great gift book for the Francophiles in your life.

Regardless, if I were his agent or his editor (and he hadn't told me, or I hadn't noticed, the fact that he was fired from the same school as the one in the novel), I'd be very upset.

And would be somewhat annoyed with his way of describing the teacher (or, er, himself) as so charming, attractive, doted-upon, brilliant, sophisticated, talented, sexy--even if morally flawed. But that's a minor point.

What do you think? Have you read the book? Did you like it? And can we enjoy fiction even while knowing that it is, likely, true?

________________________________
* There are at least twelve croissants in this book. I would count, but I'd rather spend my time eating them. Several were filled with chocolate.

January, submitting your book, Agent Yes Mode, surviving air travel, and truffles

2011-12-27T12:52:00.000-05:00

Hello, readers and writers! I am back in the office (survived air travel! Foiled gravity yet again!) and have seen one question going around the internet quite a bit.

This doesn't strike me as a safe mode of transportation.

Now. As always, everyone will feel differently. I've seen the opposite advice given.

Once again, you'll see that agents are, in fact, people. We disagree often. And not just about which cookies are best. (I, for one, am partial to chocolate almond, formed into package-shaped cubes with icing ribbons.)

Here's the question:

Should I hold off on sending my query/manuscript--even if it's ready to go in January? I don't want it to get lost in the shuffle of New Year's resolutions.

First of all, I think most of us are resolving to do things like eat less sugar and exercise more--and, even if we decided that getting published is our goal for 2012, that requires a bit more time and prep work (one would hope) than the four weeks of January.

Even NaNo takes a full month, which would place the hopefuls squarely into February--even with a "type the last word, hit Forward to agents" approach.

Shudder.

That said, I have two periods of the year that yield more than the average number of excellent queries and manuscripts:

One is September.
The other is January.

What the two have in common is that they follow a period when it is traditionally a bad idea to send work.

Therefore, the less savvy writers have all sent their work last week and will send some this week. (Or they send their work in August, when most of publishing is very quiet and/or on vacation.) It's a self-selecting group.

So, in late December (and August), I get a lot of:

Dear Sirs,
My book will sell a gazillion copies and you are a fool if you don't publish it and what's an agent? I think I'll self-publish, but if I have to have an agent, I guess you'll do, I suppose, but really, my book about my cat that kills agents is a bestseller even if...

And, starting the second week of January, I get a lot of:

Dear GK,
I am writing to you because [something that proves research here] with [excellent story idea here, usually described with varied sentence rhythm, a lively voice, and advanced punctuation used correctly].

As I've said before, the people who do research are almost always the better writers. Savvy is as savvy does.

Now.

Let's say I get more excellent work in a short period of time than usual.

Let's say that, of the 50 daily queries and the seven or so I normally request, I decided to request an additional seven--14 total. And the seven extras are things that I find myself chattering about to my interns, my boss, my friends, the super, the guy at the corner store, random people on the subway...

This puts me in Yes mode.

I'm more likely to say yes to a work if I've just said yes to another.

Then, in my mind, they start to build. I start to get bouncy with the prospect of all of the wonderful work I'll be reading. It starts to feel like, very possibly, I'll be falling in love with a work soon. The odds seem better, so I'm more hopeful (and probably eat more chocolate, never mind my New Year's resolutions). Because the odds for each work coming in seem higher, it's as if each one comes with a recommendation.

Therefore, January and September are, in my mind, excellent times to send work.

The opposite may be true of other agents--theoretically, more queries could mean less time spent on each, which could mean an "I just want to clear my desk" approach. It could also mean that, with all of the great queries floating around, an agent could have a mental quota--if s/he gets 50 queries a day, s/he will usually request about the same amount--so only the top (perhaps most agents request five or so) will get a Yes, and the top spots will have more competition.

Now, is there a handy pie chart for how many agents (and which ones) fall into each camp?

No. But, as a consolation prize here's a great truffle recipe, perfect for belated holiday parties and for those of you who need a delicious, easy, impressive treat for under $8. Note that they'll take a few hours, start to finish. You can also freeze the ganache to hurry the process along.

http://simplyrecipes.com/recipes/chocolate_truffles/

Note that you can substitute the liquor or liqueur of your choice for the vanilla. I've tried Peppermint Schnapps and Bailey's. Pretty much anything you have on hand will do.

And I prefer to, after step three, coat the spheres in tempered melted chocolate (nuke chips 30 seconds, stir, 30 seconds, stir--until melted) before rolling them in cocoa. Helps it stick, and makes a nice shell.

Hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday season.

What happens at the Vegas library...

2011-12-24T20:49:00.001-05:00

...stays, it would seem, at the Vegas library.

Never mind that it would appear to involve missiles and women from the 1950s. That's some reading room!

It was very warm in the Vegas airport, where this ad resides--but probably not warm enough for these outfits.

I had a two hour layover on my treacherous journey (I did not ford the river; my oxen did not die) west and I did, it would seem, survive. While transfering terminals, going through three times the security as is in the JFK airport ("I would like to request the alternate screening," I said, so surprised by the presence of a body scanning machine I couldn't seem to sound like a human--and so tired from the journey I was not about to play along), I noted several odd things about Vegas:

1) There are videos all over the terminal of middle-aged women--presumably mothers--exclaiming excitedly about how "the women here are just so glamorous!"

2) It's very nearly impossible to find a beverage both diet and caffeine free, but if you ask someone in the Hudson News for help, he will take the time to list every store in the airport that may have one. (We're certainly not in New York anymore!) I eventually found a peach Snapple. Yum.

3) For a city so obsessed with sin, it sure seems to have a strong 1950s theme. One can't help but picture an otherwise well-behaved housewife spending her days drinking and gambling--but still coming home in time to make a perfect pot roast for dinner.

4) Guns! This ad very nearly made me stop in my tracks and ask the nearest person if it was really legal:

In other, probably less violent news, the house smells like pine tree and cookies and, as always, this is the winning recipe. There's been a failed attempt at salted, chocolate caramels (the candy thermometer was, we later found, off by ten degrees--and it has, I noted with some satisfaction, met an untimely death by filling with water in the sink), and later, there will be espresso profiteroles. This is mostly because we found a small coffee shop in a historic windmill--and, on the tables, there were adorable cookbooks. After reading about choux pastry--I'm charmed by the word, and the way that it puffs--well, that seemed a necessary addition.

Mine will probably look nothing like this.

Hope this finds you well, warm, and far away from semi-automatic weaponry.

Happy holidays.

Ryan Gosling Works in Publishing

2011-12-16T13:45:00.000-05:00

Just in case you haven't seen it...

Ryan Gosling Works in Publishing is very amusing.

Aftertaste: A Novel in Five Courses, macarons, flying, and barely passing AP Physics

2011-12-16T13:33:00.001-05:00

This, for me, is always a high pressure shopping time of year--not just because of presents (though there's that, too--everyone, this year, is getting a book and a sweet treat, ranging from macarons to the best caramel popcorn on the planet) but also because I know I'll need a book that I am in love with.

Pretty and delicious. Flavors include wonders such as honey lavender, cassis, rose, caramel fleur de sel, creme brulée...

Why's that? Well. For those of you who, like me, forced your AP Physics teacher to explain how planes work--and because it didn't sound believable, asked again and again--and still remained unconvinced--well. You'll know how I, preparing for a cross-country flight, feel.*

I need an excellent book to take my mind off the seeming impossibility of my safely being 36,000 feet in the air, where even natural creatures of the air (birds, paper airplanes) dare not travel. Strapped to a too-small (and I'm short, so I can only imagine how a normal-sized person feels) seat. Perhaps with small children screaming and kicking. For. Five. Hours.

And I believe I've found it. I'm 96 pages in, but I rather doubt it's going to suddenly drop off in quality.

Enter Aftertaste: A Novel in Five Courses. It has all my guilty reading pleasures wrapped up in one delicious package--vivid food descriptions, lines that spotlight meaningful moments in everyday life, delightfully quirky characters, beautiful settings, snappy dialogue--and an incredibly justified, occasionally violent, and seriously pissed off narrator.

It's difficult to find a book that is at once pretty, furious, effective, and elegant--and, while tackling some very serious subjects, the sort of thing that makes one grin inappropriately on the subway. It's also difficult to make the reader have far more fun than the protagonist--but it seems Ms. Mileti has accomplished just that.

The work feels dishy--like A Reliable Wife (also recommended), it feels, at times, like reading a literary, much more believable episode of Jerry Springer.** In the best way possible. And without the referees, because the protagonist manages an impressive attack on her enemy, which lands her--hilariously, in that "I shouldn't be laughing about this, but I can't help it" way--in anger management classes.

The protagonist is a chef who runs a successful, innovative Italian restaurant in the Village. She's flawed, but in a way that is perfectly understandable--and there are not many furious (and eminently lovable) female protagonists out there, so this is new, impressive terrain. Her business partner and co-owner, her soon-to-be-ex husband, has taken up with the seductive (and infuriating) maître d' just months after the birth of her daughter, Chloe. From a beautiful Italian olive oil supplier with lessons on love and life, to a gay man from her past with a thing for butter rolls, to a very clever divorce lawyer, the cast of characters is varied, enjoyable, believable, and--overall--quite wonderful.

So far.

But I like the first 96 pages so much, I had to tell you.

Hope this finds you well and happy, that your holiday season is pleasant and relatively stress-free, and that all of your flights are smooth.
__________________________________
* Then again, I also managed only a C+. Eh. I still got into college.
** Is that show even still on?

Was Jane Austen murdered?

2011-12-05T14:21:00.001-05:00

Goodness, I hope not.

See: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/15/jane-austen-death-murder_n_1095160.html?ref=authors

But I'm certainly interested in the new novel on the subject: The Mysterious Death of Miss Austen.

Should any of you feel like killing off famous historical figures in your novels, note that it wasn't until 1836 that human bodies could be tested to see whether they contained arsenic.

Lots of opportunity. Now you just need a motive.

___________________________________
Disclaimer: Just to be clear, GK does not approve of murder, unless it is fictional.

If you had my crazy slushpile, you'd use these disclaimers, too.

Yes, I am judging you on your "here's my manuscript" note.

2011-12-05T14:08:00.002-05:00

And, in all fairness, you can totally judge me for not posting in forever. Bad GK.

So.

As a general rule, every line of communication between you and an agent can affect how that agent thinks of you. Last week, I was very much enjoying a manuscript--but then got a check-in with more than three excruciating abuses of the English language (the writer didn't even bother to capitalize his name). I haven't yet returned to that MS. I will--but not until the effects of that note wear off.

So if I get your manuscript with a grudging, feet-dragging, "I hate publishing but I guess I might as well send this" and/or "Here goes nothing" note, you're not going to get bumped to the head of the pile. In fact, your lack of enthusiasm usually translates to a lack of enthusiasm on my part, too.

Other possible outcomes from lackluster notes: I assume you have a huge group of agents clamoring for your work already, and they work in skyscrapers and have already promised you a column ad in the NY Times; you only submitted to me on a whim because my business card says "agent"; you don't actually know who I am.

It's like the pop psychologists say: smiles are contagious (except in New York at rush hour). Enthusiasm is, too.

That said, all of these are better than no note, and/or just putting all of the materials into an email and hitting Send.

So, here we go (and, as always, keep in mind that there are many kinds of agents out there, and some prefer a more stoic response--you'll probably be able to make an educated guess based on their interviews and online presence):

You say potato, I say meh:
Dear GK,
Here is the manuscript you requested.
Signed,
[Author]

Better:
Dear GK,
Thank you for your interest. Here is the manuscript you requested.
Signed,
[Author]

Best:
Dear GK,
I'm so glad to get your request! Here's my manuscript, with synopsis attached.

I look forward to hearing from you!

All best,
[Author]

Bestest (not a word, but hey, I work in publishing; I'll stretch rules):
Dear GK,
So glad to hear from you. I [something personal that proves you know who I am here].

I look forward to hearing from you!
All best,
[Author]

Now, the six-figure question: where's the line between enthusiasm and sucking up?

I think that usually boils down to two factors: genuine feeling (it's always better to only say things that are unstretched truth, even if it puts you into "best" versus "bestest" territory) and quirkiness. I still remember one of my favorite responses, which involved a happy dance in a grocery store.

And I believe that was more than a year ago.

So, no. You do not have to drive yourself to the grocery store (or, since it's been taken already, the pet store, Chuck E. Cheese's, the movie theatre, or your local amusement park), embarrass yourself in front of strangers (or if, like me, you're from a small town--friends of friends and their mothers), and burn a few great story-earning calories, all in the interest of a really neat "here's my manuscript."

But if you did--and if you put it on YouTube--I'd bake you a gold star cake and send it to you.*

Cake stolen from myrecipes.com.
It looks a little like it's made of cheese, doesn't it? That could be delicious.

Hope this finds you well and enjoying your holiday season.

___________________________________
* First person to do this only. And if you live in the US, leave the video up on YouTube, and let me post it.
** As always, other agents may feel differently

2011-10-20T16:55:00.000-04:00

An agent's perspective on the NY Times Amazon article:

Really, New York Times??

Consider it recommended reading--pairs well with the (yes, rather one-dimensional, panic-inducing) piece we all read earlier this week.

2011-10-20T12:27:00.002-04:00

A lot of people have been asking me about in-person pitches at conferences.

Here is, I think, my best answer: Author-agent speed dates, Diet Coke, Purell, and self-deprecation that doesn't work.

And yes, someone really did accuse me of sneaking wine into a pitch session, of requesting work (I can't make myself type that phrase again!) just to suck up, and yes, my hands really did get crunched.

Enjoy!

These are both effective and dangerous. They're the most portable, self-sufficient form of caffeine I've found--which is great for conferences that, for some reason, think caffeine is a sometimes drink*--and dangerous, because if you don't know (as I didn't) that Coke Zero is far from caffeine-free--and, for some reason, decide to drink two of them before bed before an important event like your cousin's wedding in which you are a responsibility-laden bridesmaid--you'll be in trouble.

* From "cookies are a sometimes food"--a sentiment I strongly disagree with.

Anna Dressed in Blood

2011-10-18T13:21:00.000-04:00

In case any of you were on the fence about this book, do know that it's very likely to end up on GK's (eventual) future list of favorites.

I powered through 184 pages in a single sitting last night. And can't wait to read more.

Recipe Comix

2011-10-17T16:24:00.001-04:00

I love this! Every recipe should have pictures.

http://www.saveur.com/article/Comix/laura-park-slap-it-in-a-pan

Survey Time!

2011-10-17T14:49:00.000-04:00

Survey time! Do you think the piece on Amazon in the NYTimes today signals "the beginning of the end"? All opinions welcome. I promise.

See: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/17/technology/amazon-rewrites-the-rules-of-book-publishing.html?scp=2&sq=amazon&st=cse

2011-10-14T17:19:00.001-04:00

Someone asked an excellent question of Holly Black, Cassandra Clare, Justine Larbalestier, Chris Moriarty, and Delia Sherman--all taking part in last night's Big Read: Before and After Harry Potter: YA and Fantasy talk: "What books do you recommend?"

I scribbled down their answers as quickly as I could. Here's the list of the panel's top choices:

Bleeding Violet by Dia Reeves

Ship Breaker by Paolo Bacigalupi

Akata Witch by Nnedi Okorafor--described as a Nigerian Harry Potter with excellent world building

The Thief (The Queen's Thief series) by Megan Whalen Turner

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor--note that this was not only a YA Buzz Panel book, but also has 99 revies on Amazon and a 5-star rating

Anna Dressed in Blood by Kendare Blake--on my TBR list too. Hurry up, NYPL!

The Knife of Never Letting Go: Chaos Walking series: Book One by Patrick Ness

How to know if you will love The Night Circus

2011-10-10T16:22:00.000-04:00

Working on world building? Do I have the book for you!

I don't believe it's just in NYC--it would seem everyone, everywhere, is talking about The Night Circus and how it is the best book that ever happened to them. Ever. Like, whoa. Accelerate the presses and pre-order the DVD of the movie adaptation that hasn't been made yet. OMG. Can't wait. Squee, squee, squee.

(Yes, I realize I sound like the circus Grinch. I actually also had my first incident of boot-on-subway-door violence today. Not a swift kick, but still. And not to worry, everything was fine. I was not charged with, say, defacement of public property. No doors were dented. And you would have been miffed, too, if the subway doors didn't open for thirty full seconds, thus preventing you from transferring to the express train across the platform.)

I first heard about the book at this year's BEA--and remembered it because it came with a free bag of (perfectly fine--I can hardly expect anyone to give out hundreds of bags of, say, the Jacques Torres caramel corn with dark chocolate) popcorn that sat in our office freezer for weeks. Edible advertising. Excellent.

And I finally sat down to read it last week.

The world Morgenstern has created is extraordinary. The book's design is, fittingly, gorgeous--even if the interior stripes can make one dizzy after too much staring. And this is the prettiest book world I've seen in a very long time. It's Victorians, travel, an enchanted night circus, and confections that the Food Network can only dream about. It's enjoyable. It's vivid. I won't soon forget it. I loved the twins, Bailey, the magic kittens, the imagery.

As an added bonus, it reminds you of words like "exsanguination" in a manner that prevents their future relegation to second-string vocabulary. Yes, you too can have conversations like this:

Me to a friend this weekend: I was dumb and put my red sneakers in the washer. Now they look exsanguinated.

My friend: ...

Why, then, did I nearly put the book down without finishing it?

I did finish--and I'm glad I did--but then I saw on GoodReads that there's a vocal minority that can't stand the work for the simple fact that it's approximately 80 percent description.

This stuff costs $8.50 a bag. And, even on my publishing budget, I think it's worth every artery-clogging penny. Yes. It's that good.

So. How do you know if the work will annoy or enchant you?

Think of its emphasis as divided up like a circus candy apple:

Extraordinary world building/atmosphere/concept--the apple
Writing--still quite good, mind you--the caramel
Characters--the candies stuck into the caramel on the apple
Plot--the thin popsicle stick that will probably break before you finish said apple

Will that work for you? Maybe.

Or, if you liked The Science of Sleep--which is, like The Night Circus, pretty much (and I'm not giving away anything here that you can't assume from the book jacket) Boy meets Girl, Boy and Girl explore strange magical world, Boy loses Girl, Boy gets Girl back through magical means, The End (or, in TSoS's case, Fin). One contains Le Cirque des Rêves; the other, La Science des rêves.

I confess I prefer the latter to the former--even though I think most (if not all) things Victorian are very pretty.

If you're especially fond of magic, circuses, Victorian items, you'll probably like this.

If you require pat, perfectly pinned down resolutions, explanations, and plot points, you may not.

If you're a fan of impossible love stories in any form, put this on your TBR list.

If you're a linear thinker and need linear narrative, this is not good for you. I went back and forth about the book's ordering, and have since concluded that it's necessary, even if it requires some flipping back and forth to figure out what happened when.

Tell me what you think. I can honestly see both points of view.

Also, it's possible I'll wake up tomorrow on the other side of the bed, start clamoring for sooner movie release date, proclaim myself a rêveur, start selling scarlet scarves on Etsy, and whisper sweet nothings to subway doors. You never know.

You will enjoy this.

2011-10-10T13:47:00.002-04:00

http://yaconfidential.blogspot.com/2011/10/how-to-write-like-man.html

I've just learned a new acronym: NSFW. So, this is Not Safe For Work if you work in a giggle-free office. (I am quite pleased that I do not.)

Happy Monday, everyone!

Random House joins It Gets Better Project

2011-10-06T16:29:00.002-04:00

Further proof that people in publishing are awesome.

Vintage Typewriter Ads

2011-10-06T14:59:00.000-04:00

Having just read this rather depressing piece on what may become the future of funding for writers--and having been firmly told, "There will be no books in six years! Just get over it!"--well, I thought I could use some cheering.

So, here you are: vintage ads for typewriters.

They will all enlarge when you click on them.

Enjoy!

Whoa there, Mad Men era. A typewriter designed to protect one's manicure.

"It's the in thing with teenagers who want to swing college!"

Clearly I did not compile these statistics.

They "anticipate every demand of every user"? Really? I'd like a macchiato, please.

Apparently the typewriter is now mightier than the sword.

And here's my favorite: too hungover to type? Want to have a drinking problem and a job? Try this quiet typewriter!

I should give credit where credit is due. This all started with this image:

From this interview.

Carrie Nation, the Prohibition documentary, theme drinks, and Victorian ladies smashing things

2011-10-05T13:11:00.002-04:00

May I highly recommend the Prohibition documentary?

Well. It's excellent. My favorite part, so far, has to do with Carrie Nation, an older woman (in Victorian garb, no less) who would go into bars and, well, smash them.

Can you imagine this woman smashing things? Neither can I.

It also does a fabulous job of making both side sympathetic--and of weaving in other historical occurrences.

Now, if someone on Etsy would just make tiny bathtubs for the serving of gin, would I have a theme viewing party for you!

2011-10-05T12:03:00.001-04:00

Publishers Marketplace has a selection of excellent graphs today!

Hooray for quantitative data!

Here's my favorite:

Six-Figure US Deals in September: Children's

2011-10-04T16:56:00.007-04:00

I must explain that I never liked cozy mysteries. I thought of them as easy presents for my grandmother--I imagined most had puffy lambs and pristine countrysides and murders committed with fluffy yarn nooses--but they struck me as such a strange combination of cutesy and faux-scary that I never bothered to read many.

And then this one cozy crossed my desk, which started the aforementioned Publishers Marketplace searches. It's terribly clever and wholly pleasing.

In any case, this is yet another example of how writing can matter a great deal more than genre.

Funny and punny cozy titles on PM

2011-10-03T16:19:00.003-04:00

I spent the morning giggling at funny and punny cozy mystery titles on PM.

Here are my favorites:

ETERNALLY 21, the first of a new series featuring Mrs. Frugalicious, who trolls the malls for savings -- until she's framed for shoplifting and suspected of murder.

(Dun dun DUNNN!)

PROBABLE CLAWS, in which feline fancier Theda Krakow investigates a shelter poisoning and finds herself on trial for murder.

Hee hee hee...

And, yes...I want to read them. The beginning of fall seems perfect (purrrrfect?) for mysteries, cozy or not.

Unfortunately, most NYC landlords frown on indoor fires.

Michael Moore comes out in support of the St. Mark's Bookshop

2011-10-03T12:53:00.000-04:00

Whether or not you agree with Mr. Moore, it's hard to argue with the fact that a celebrity coming out in support of an independent bookstore is pretty darn awesome.

That, and the older woman's exclamation at the beginning is hilarious.

This little bookstore (not so little--medium-sized, I suppose) has an excellent selection--with very smart staff, who make my favorite "staff picks" shelf in the city.

Their landlord, Cooper Union, has threatened to raise the rent far beyond this bookstore's capabilities--and, though they've laid off most of their staff to keep up, they're still in trouble.

You can sign a petition asking Cooper Union for fair, affordable rent--non-New Yorkers welcome!--and check out the Shelf Awareness piece the situation here.

"You'll have no choice but to tear through this book!"

2011-09-27T16:30:00.001-04:00

The above blurb is from Jay Asher. If you haven't read his 13 Reasons Why, pick up a copy--and you'll see why I'd be willing to read just about anything he recommends.

I love to ask editors about their favorite books, and last week, not one, but two mentioned Before I Fall--a work I'd been avoiding because, frankly, I'm not a fan of Groundhog Day.

But I got a copy, and it's true--after I got past my skepticism (it seems impossible that a story with this premise could be as good as it is), I totally tore through it.

Lauren Oliver has set up quite a task for herself--the bulk of the story is the same day repeated seven times--and yet it's always new, interesting, and--yes--the sort of thing one must rush through. It feels like time has frozen, and the protagonist can walk around the people in her life, finally realizing everyone's motivations--all while knowing she can do anything, try anything, and none of it matters--because she'll just wake up with a clean slate the next day.

Oliver does a great job with showing the inner workings of life at the top--her protagonist is one of the most popular girls in her school--and we get to watch her become more empathetic, more likable, more multidimensional.

This is another example of how works in the real world (albeit with a time twist) can be incredibly interesting.

I'm terribly behind on my "GK Recommends" list, but this work is most certainly on it.

Editor Cat

2011-09-22T16:17:00.002-04:00

Heh heh.

The Manuscript Buffet

2011-09-22T13:00:00.001-04:00

I found this very clever.

Would every agent find it clever? No. Some are all about the succinct emails. I, however, can't get over the all-you-can-eat manuscript buffet. I really like salad bar buffet restaurants--and, yes, the ones with the carb (pizza and pasta and macaroni and cheese and bread and...) stations, too.

Yes, that's right. Sometimes I get NYC fatigue and just want a nice suburban restaurant with fluorescent lighting, logo napkins, and scalloped, plastic bowls for pudding served with a ladle (which I will cover in soft serve and chocolate syrup).

Naturally, she's from a diet website. It suggests packing healthy snacks in one's suitcase. Ha! The best part of vacations is that calories don't count.

With the writer's permission, here's my favorite "You just rejected this one, but you said I could send you the next one, so--awesome, no hard feelings, hooray, will do" email:

Dear [GK]:
Thank you for taking the time to consider [title of manuscript]. As a blog follower, I understand the GK plate is submerged under the weight of an all-you-can-eat MS buffet, and truly value the individual consideration you allowed my work.

My first MS, [title of work] remains dear to my butter-clogged heart. Currently, I am plugging away at number two and hope you will consider giving it a read once the T’s are crossed, I’s dotted and vodka finished.

With Thanks,
[Writer]

2011-09-21T15:29:00.000-04:00

Just in case you're wondering, sometimes we go through that, "Arrrgh! I can't think of anything!" period while writing our pitch letters, too.

Today's ritual involved lots of coffee, lots of tea, lots of mayo (unhealthy treats distract one from the pain of writer's block), lots of complaining to my intern.

Not to worry. She had very amusing works to keep her upbeat. (See below.)

2011-09-21T15:27:00.000-04:00

Terribly important pots de creme update: they never got cold enough to hold together. Perhaps because I took them on the subway at rush hour.

So. If you were planning to invert your pots de creme--well, don't. You'll get a sticky mess.

However, I just went to Michael's (yes, it's only a matter of time before I grow into one of those women--I'll probably even scrapbook with those special scissors that make decorative edges--but I had a good excuse: I was looking for items for a themed gift for a friend's book party), and they have a huge selection of unique cupcake wrappers. Many would coordinate well with, say, dark chocolate.

2011-09-21T15:25:00.001-04:00

I love it when my interns giggle while reading manuscripts.

2011-09-19T13:10:00.000-04:00

Today's project: not eating the dark chocolate pots de creme I made for book group.

They're in the office fridge now, a mere thirty-five feet away.

I made them in muffin tins, with little bright papers--a pattern of pink and lime green fitting for, say, a Sophie Kinsella cover. I'm going to cut teeny strips of lime skins, knot them, and maybe (if I can) grate small amounts of lime zest over the top. (I'm always worried that I'll be getting mostly food grade wax, the stuff they put on grocery store limes to make them shiny. Well. Desserts should be shiny too, I guess.)

All of this after accomplishing what may be a ridiculous, miraculous feat--flipping each one over, removing the paper, and somehow getting it perfectly centered on a dessert plate.

Yes. We'll see how this goes.

But first--a day spent not eating them.

When it rains, it pours.

2011-09-14T11:40:00.000-04:00

I can't speak for everyone, of course, but we're extra super crazy busy at the moment (with lots and lots of wonderful things). I think this happens to many New Yorkers in September--everyone tries to cram everything that didn't happen in August into an already-full month.

So I would assume it'd be normal to have longer response times, etc., this month.

Sit tight. It's not you, it's September.

Field Trip to Borders

2011-09-13T20:40:00.000-04:00

So. I had to go see the carnage.

It's hard to believe that, a little more than a year ago, Suzanne Collins signed copies of Mockingjay in this very spot (well, against the now-red wall):

They repainted.
Note the "ALL SALES FINAL" sign. And the sales tags on all of the cases.

Those racks were filled with CDs, and yes, people were queued up around them.

And yes, that's where I was told to put away my recording device. Ah, memories.

Though the books were pretty picked-through--there were only a few left--I did walk away with one of these:

I've always wanted one.

With a bath and some new paint (I'm thinking a sassy, shiny red--just on the grey parts), it'll be good as new.

2011-09-13T12:01:00.000-04:00

If someone attached a heart rate monitor to me while reading queries--and it beeped above a certain number--I bet it would do a pretty good job of predicting when I was saying Yes to a work. (My heart was certainly pounding a moment ago. My. I do hope that manuscript comes in soon!)

Either that, or it would tell me to chill with the caffeine. I'm trying a new experiment: no Splenda (or sugar, or stevia, or sweet and/or low) allowed. I'm taking all beverages black. Perhaps it'll slow me down.

Haven't decided if lemon is allowed. Extra Vitamin C, right?

2011-09-12T14:34:00.000-04:00

If you happen to hear about any stories of working in the industry in the fifties, sixties or seventies, please send them my way.

Thank you.

And no, this is not just because of Banana Republic's new Mad Men line.

The Last Days of Summer

2011-09-12T13:48:00.004-04:00

When I was in summer camp as a child--one of those places where they force you to walk a good half mile to the mess hall, where watery soup and neon pink milk carton-ed juice await--a girl told me that her parents often allowed her to take extra sessions of camp, and miss the first two weeks of school.

This seemed fanciful, indulgent, ridiculous at the time--miss school? On purpose?

But then I started to wonder if her parents had wonderful stories about summers, and thus wanted to elongate them as much as possible for their child. For all I know, their memories were as warm as Country Time's commercials, and the rest of the year was mere waiting.

Well. This year, for the first time, it seems I've adopted this practice. It's well into September and I am still wearing flip flops. My toes are a scandalous reddish pink called "party in my cabana." I assure you there are neither cabanas nor parties in the office. Today. The latter would be more likely than the former.

And--perhaps most surprising of all--I have not purchased a single school supply (choosing notebooks, pens, and backpacks used to be one of my favorite activities) or a single new fall cardigan.

What, then, have I been doing in the past few weeks?

Encountering jellyfish. Apparently they frequent NYC beaches in August and September, but I'm not sure why. There were days when the waves were perfect--just enough that I could jump over most of them and only get knocked over a few times--and they were scarce. But, on calm-watered days, they hung out--usually in pairs. Supposedly these do not sting. I did not wish to find out.
Surviving hurricanes. As I'm sure you heard, it was a non-event. However, out of duty (though I thought they--and the enormous line at TJ's for the bottled water--were overreacting), I got candles. Saw that someone was tweeting as the hurricane and giggling about how we'd all be fat and hungover the next day. Sounds about right.
Traveling. My cousin got married, and I was in the bridal party. She was kind--our dresses were deep purple, and only somewhat spherical. The groomsmen walked down the aisle to the U of Michigan football fight song.
Making scones. It's hard to get them to be the right amount of crumbly without being too dry. When I figure this out, I'll let you know.
Hiring interns. We have a new army, this time of seven. Very sadly, IFI is on to bigger and better things, but you can still check out her blog (see the post below for link).
Meeting writers. So many have come through the city, and as someone who's bossy ("Go here! Take this train!") it's hard to resist the opportunity.
Trying to get ahead on reading. We always get a huge number of wonderful works in September, so I'm trying to clear the inbox. We're at about 50 fewer than the number before, all while requesting at the same rate. This is significant progress.
Reading so many excellent book-books and getting to the point where I may just splurge on reading chair + ottoman + lamp + delivery. (I tried to take a huge ottoman on the subway once. That did not go well.) My current set-up is only comfortable for a little more than an hour, which is not ideal for days that could be better spent reading.
Attending various vaguely publishing-related events--garden parties, museum parties, agent get-togethers. Other activities with cheese plates.
Stalking Dîner en Blanc and then realizing I was busy during registration and could not escape to a computer.
Picnics in the park.
Book club. Writing group. Book club...
Watching Daria online. If you have Hulu Plus, you can too. Highly recommended.
Making awkward thank-yous to firemen and their wives in the city this weekend.
Trying to start up a "Save the post office and make the world better by sending real mail!" campaign. Really. The world would be better.
Readings--so, so many readings. It's like they were all waiting for August to be over. It seems I could attend three every day if I just had the time and energy.

Pretty as they are, I don't think we'd get along.

So, yes. Lots happening over here at GK Industries.

What have you been up to?

_____________________________

* Sure, I faked sick--but only for the duration of P.E.

A little hope for your Tuesday.

2011-08-09T11:20:00.000-04:00

Survey Shows Publishing Expanded Since 2008:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/09/books/survey-shows-publishing-expanded-since-2008.html?_r=3

And I can tell you firsthand that I've seen shrimp and (even better) soft cheeses at publishing parties--which is a most delicious economic indicator.

Am I worried? Er, yes. A little. But there are reasons to be very hopeful, too.

And the winners are...!

2011-08-08T13:49:00.000-04:00

Through the totally subjective process (defined loosely as "What made GK giggle-choke on her breakfast?"), the winners are:

1. For pure cringeworthiness and irony: Elizabeth Reinhardt!

2. Because I can totally picture this invite changing the full nature of the party (and, also, because the things that stay with us for years often do so for a reason), Jayneorama!

3. And simply because I made a similar gaffe in high school, Diana, with her fortifying chips!

Ladies, please email me at AgencyGatekeeper (at) gmail (dot) com with your mailing addresses. I'll reply with a questionnaire to help determine the best treats to send your way.

Thank you, everyone, for playing!

2011-08-05T10:46:00.005-04:00

The winners of the Grammar Girl Giveaway will be announced Monday afternoon.

2011-08-05T10:46:00.003-04:00

I rather enjoyed this article on the making of The Help, the movie.

Due to popular demand...

2011-07-29T16:43:00.002-04:00

...the Grammar Girl giveaway deadline has been extended to Friday, August 5.

Want more IFI? Of course you do.

2011-07-26T13:31:00.000-04:00

Check out her blog at http://pinkrobotgirl.blogspot.com/

2011-07-25T16:52:00.000-04:00

My book group is about to discuss A Moveable Feast (which is, of course, delicious--especially when paired with Midnight in Paris--which you should totally see with a writer friend, even if you don't usually like Woody Allen).

So I find the timing of this especially amusing:

News: Ernest Hemingway Look-Alike Contest Reveals Author’s Striking Resemblance to Santa

As promised: Ricotta!

2011-07-25T14:36:00.001-04:00

In California, we said "Rick-ought-uh." Here, I've heard "Rick-oh-tuh" and "Rick-cut-uh" and everything in between.

So, I don't know how pronounce it, but it sure is delicious in just about everything. (I served mine over tomatoes with rosemary and balsamic.)

Granted, this isn't one of those projects that saves time or money. It'll end up costing about the same as buying it in the store, and won't taste hugely different.

But, if you have a kid around who likes science projects, or friends who will be impressed when you tell them you made the cheese they're eating--well, it's certainly worth doing once.

And it's easy and fun.

Time: 1.5 hours, start to finish--but an hour of that is "hang it up, set a timer, and do something else" time.

Ingredients:
One half-gallon whole milk
One pint heavy cream
About 3/4 cup white vinegar

Equipment:

One giant (big enough to make a huge amount of spaghetti) pot that you don't care much about, as it will likely get burn marks from this exercise.
A colander
Cheesecloth--enough to line aforementioned colander. Available at most grocery stores.

Pour milk and cream into large pot and bring to a full boil over medium heat (any higher, and you will likely burn your pan and have overflow onto your stove). Stir every few minutes to keep it from sticking/burning. Covering the pan for a faster boil won't hurt anything, so long as you keep an eye on it.

While that's heating up, clear your sink and set up the colander with the cheesecloth in it.

When the milk mixture boils, pour in the vinegar. You should see everything start to separate into curds and whey. Yes, it'll look gross. If you're not sure it's done this, slightly more than 3/4 cup vinegar won't hurt anything.

Stir.

Pick up the giant pot of hot milk and pour it carefully through the cheesecloth and colander.

When the hot whey has run down the sink (and it's safe to do so), carefully pick up the cheesecloth from the corners and tie it into a little pouch. No need to squeeze.

Hang the pouch so that any extra whey can drip off of the pouched mixture. You don't have to be especially careful--I've certainly tied up the pouch, set it on a tiny wire mesh tea strainer to keep it lifted, and put the whole thing into a big Tupperware (I was late for a picnic). It worked out fine. The ricotta wants to become ricotta.

Leave it hanging for about an hour.

After that time, open the pouch, and you'll have cheese!

Here are some suggestions for what to do with it: http://www.countryliving.com/cooking/about-food/fresh-ricotta-meals-0608

Enjoy!

When your book gets a bad review, make lemonade [video]

2011-07-21T10:58:00.005-04:00

You could do something like this this for rejections, too:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/jacketcopy/2011/07/bad-review-make-lemonade.html

I can't help but imagine this video will improve book sales--even if just to compare the book to the review (as I likely will).

Should you like normal things turned into metal, there's also Vegan Black Metal Chef, Episode 1: Pad Thai. I like his reaction when he accidentally dumps in too much seasoning.

2011-07-20T22:02:00.002-04:00

(In reference to the last post): Does that mean all manuscripts to be rejected, at this time at least, have received a rejection email from you?

Ha. No. I'm not that organized.

I do them in batches. Also, sometimes I like to give myself a little while to try to articulate for myself what isn't working. If I feel like I may have helpful advice--but don't know quite what that is yet--I'll let it sit a few days to see if anything surfaces.

2011-07-20T16:44:00.001-04:00

So, I was all excited about giving you a rundown of what I read today and what happened with it.

But today was one of those, "Oh, you want to spend the day reading? Ha! Ha!" days.

Here's what today looked like:

10:00--Get off of the subway. Already 91 degrees. Whew. Read two manuscripts and some of a published thriller (good for summer) on the train.

10:15--Iced coffee. Make one for IFI, who comments on how they're always pretty. Why thank you, IFI. (I like putting the milk in first, so the hot coffee hovers over it in a separate layer. Coffee and heat rise!)

10:20-10:55ish--Queries

10:55ish--Blogging

11:10ish--Organizing the manuscripts account. I'm not one to keep a pristine desk, but everything in this account must be in its proper place, and properly labelled.

11:15ish--Personal work email. I go over notes on an option book, scan the new version, correspond with the author.

11:30ish--Snack. Tell my boss about the nifty food memoir I requested.

11:40ish--Hand off a book I'm sending out tomorrow to IFI, who's seen all of its many incarnations. I've gone through several rounds with the author and want to make sure I catch everything. I tell her to pretend she's an editor. She glares, perhaps in concentration.

11:45ish--Check in with my boss about a manuscript I sent her yesterday. It's the second version--I requested a revise & resubmit--and I'm really pleased with how it turned out. The author took my suggestions and ran with them. I hover while my boss reads, answer her questions, and sort of bounce.

Noon-ish--Send check-ins to editors on a project I have out, and correspond with its author.

12:15--Reject a flurry of manuscripts. I've written most of the rejections already, but I prefer a "division of labor by process" method, where I write the rejections, save the draft, and actually hit Send a little later. All of the ones about to be rejected have a little beige "Waiting to reject" tag on them. There are at least three really good, useful rejections in there. One author writes back, and I tell her another agent who would, I think, also be a good person to try.

12:30--Start reading a YA/contemporary. It's good, and the writing's great, but I don't love it. It gets the dreaded beige label. (Worse, I suppose, than the Blue Screen of Death.)

1:00ish--Start Googling some of the facts in another manuscript, to see if the world is real or imaginary. According to Wikipedia, it's real.

1:05--Check in with an author whose work is out on submission.

1:10--Lunch. Homemade pizza. Last night, I realized that all of the spoons were dirty and decided to finger paint ingredients (sauce, chopped garlic, rosemary) on instead. I explain all of this to IFI, who looks nonplussed.

1:40--IFI's comments on the manuscript are ready, and I go through accepting, rejecting, and tweaking her changes. Manuscript officially ready to go. Send it to author for his approval. He approves.

2:15--One of our authors calls and tells us about a conference she went to and everything they said about agents' future roles in e-publishing. My boss and I chat about the possibilities.

2:30--Tea time. Iced mint-green. We're out of black, so I just use two teabags.

2:35ish--Start putting together a list and letter for the work going out tomorrow.

3:30ish--More tea.

3:40--Complain about wanting snacks. Search GrubHub. No one delivers pastries. Drat. I'll just have to dump half a box of sugar into my tea.

3:45--Start in on that food memoir. Hooray! Speedy delivery.

4:15--Start loading up Kindle. If I can't read much today in the office, I'll read later tonight.

4:25--Stare at pictures of pretty pastries. More general work email.

4:45--Realize I'm going to be late for my evening appointments, knock over a cup of water, mop it up, do dishes, and run like mad. Oh, and hit Publish Post.

2011-07-20T11:55:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I think I should live blog from my query/manuscript stash and Kindle notes. I've always been curious about that "Tweet/share" button near my annotations. That could be fun.

Today's query notes:

Here are a few lines from my favorite query today: "My manuscript can't become the 21st Century American Literary Icon that it deserves to be, until it gets published...In my case, the editor not only has to have visions of sugar plums, but also of Pulitzers."

Be careful with the phrase "I am a published author"--if you don't elaborate, depending on your query, I may assume you're self-published. A lot of writers try to gloss over self-publishing in this manner.

Anything that can be pasted into queries to multiple agents doesn't count as a truly personalized opener. It's better than "Dear Agent, Here's my book"--but, yes, I look for this. Even if you say something that seems detailed, like "I love the books you represent" or "After extensive research into agents, I love your interests..." doesn't count. The true test is whether it would work for more than one agent.

On the other hand, a personalized first line made up for a very obvious, otherwise rather embarrassing error today. That query got not only a request, but a personalized one.

When you get a request from an agency, it's best to address your manuscript to the person who requested it (ie, "Dear Ms. ______, Thank you for your request") versus "Dear [highest-up agent at that agency], [other agent at your agency] sent a request for this manuscript. Can't wait to hear from you!" Note that whoever requests the work is likely the first (perhaps only) person to read it.

I'm counting on you to check in. I promise I'll be nice--so long as you wait more than two months to check in on your manuscript.

Be consistent. A query today went from sweet and demure to so crass my eyebrows shot up--all for one line, for no apparent reason. I was all set to request that work, but now I'm getting a coffee (iced--it's hot in NYC today!) and thinking about it. If you're going to be crude, 1) be sure there's a good and obvious reason to do so, and 2) at least put that sentiment in a clever sentence.

Try not to query right before you go on vacation without internet access. I'm all for vacations, but I also like to get the requested manuscript within a day or so--and it helps you, since I'll remember why I requested it and be psyched to read it.

Rather than "I have queried a number of agents and publishers about this work"--as one querier put it today, making me wonder if that means they all rejected the work--just note that it's a multiple submission. Unless otherwise noted, however, I will assume it's a multiple submission.

Be careful with your formatting. If everything comes through in one giant cube, it looks less appealing. If you're on Gmail, starting in Plain Text mode, putting in your line breaks, and then switching over to add your italics, etc., seems to work best.

Sample pages, even just two or three, pasted into the body of a query--these can make all the difference. Yes please!

Ask before sending revisions unless you receive a specific invitation. Don't just--especially if it's only a day after I gave you suggestions and a non-request rejection--turn around with, "Here's the new version you requested!" I may feel put-upon--and any good revision takes more than a day. I'd rather you take your time and do a great job, unless I specifically mention that your subject matter needs to sell soon.

Today's themes: blood-based dystopians (blood types/groups that consume blood/vampire-like creatures that are not vampires), 1960s YA, Sri Lanka (I know--random, right?), financial thrillers, mermaids, and great writing with terrible, overdone concepts.

Total queries: forgot to count, but around 120 or 130.

Total requests:

Memoir: 1
Food memoir: 1
Popular fiction: 1
Women's fiction: 1
Literary fiction: 3
YA/dystopian: 1
YA/contemporary: 2
YA/mystery: 1

Of those, 3 had obvious flaws but I was curious enough to ask for more.

Zero were requested because I knew the author or otherwise had a personal connection.

Zero were requested because of platform.

2011-07-18T14:16:00.000-04:00

Ever wondered what Stephen King, Mark Bittman, Mario Batali, Peter Kaminsky--and many other well-known, excellent male writers--have to say about cooking for their families?

Here's your answer:

Man with a Pan: Culinary Adventures of Fathers Who Cook for Their Families

I picked this up at a Workman BEA party (which, yes, had excellent food--fancy gelatos, especially, including salted caramel, lavendar, and lemon zest), and finally got around to reading it.

It's great.

And could, perhaps, double as one of those "hint, hint" books to leave laying around the house.

"My dears: it is bated breath. Not baited breath" OR: A GK/Grammar Girl Giveaway

2011-07-18T11:36:00.003-04:00

One of my cleverest writing pals put this up as her Facebook status this week, inspiring a stream of clever and cringeworthy replies:

Also it's the reign of terror. Not the rain.
I got an email yesterday saying "bare with me."
I once had a student, thinking of royalty, write "Your Hinus," which made me think he was referring to...
I find "baited breath" is entirely appropriate relating to fishing stories that feature a worm-eating protagonist.
It's important to get this right. After all, it's a doggie dog world out there.

I've said many times that few (in fact, I would reckon, no) agents will reject you for a misplaced comma on, say, page 57. Your first few pages should be perfect--but, once we're into the story, a tiny error won't bother most of us--it's easier, after all, to fix a comma than a concept. You should do your best, but ultimately these are relatively easy changes.

That said, will we respect you more if your prose is not only artful but--well--technically perfect? If we know we won't have to go line-by-line over your work before it's ready to send out?

You can bet your baited breath.

Happily, Grammar Girl--perhaps you've seen earlier posts where I've praised her wit and helpfulness--has generously offered three books to GK readers:

But wait, there's more! (Yes, I double as a game show hostess.)

Included with your book, you'll receive treats from NYC. I'll send a questionnaire to better guess your tastes, and you'll get not only a useful book, but a treat to eat while reading.

First prize: First choice of the books, plus a small NYC goodie bag.

Second prize: Second choice of the books, plus a treat.

Third prize: Third choice, plus a treat.

Here's how you win (and Snarky, assuming I can pull him away from his Maker's, and I will be your judges): Tell us a true story (in the comments) of an amusing written error. Doesn't have to be your own. With your entry, include your preferences (in order) for the books, and a link to a post (either Twitter or on your blog) linking to (and commenting on) a GK post of your choosing--anything since the humble beginnings of this blog three years ago. Include your email address in person (at) domain (dot) com form.

Deadline for entries is Friday, August 5. Winners will be announced the following Monday.

2011-07-13T17:37:00.000-04:00

Yes, GK's been remiss in her blogging.

What can I say? There are so many lovely things to do in summer (today, ice cream in the park with an editor; tomorrow, the world).

But--there's about to be a fabulous giveaway of books perfect for aspiring authors.

And I'm working on finding a method of throwing in some edible GK creations. Yes, I'm one of those people who can't help but want to give everyone food. I'm working on it. In the meantime, certain contest winners will benefit--just as soon as I figure out how to get the USPS to make all of this possible.

Hope you're well and enjoying your summer.

2011-07-07T16:40:00.000-04:00

Should you be interested in the super amazing Pretty Little Liars (which you really should watch from the beginning), season one is now available on Netflix.

Fair warning: you will want to watch them all at once.

With or Without You

2011-07-07T13:59:00.003-04:00

You know those books that (literally) make your heart pound when you read them?

I've noted the following while reading this book--lip biting, brow furrowing, eye dampening, and one inadvertent gasp. Most of that on public transit.

I'm not usually one for watching bad things, cringeworthy things, difficult things happen to characters I care about.

But I can't stop reading this book.

I'd been on a bad (published) books diet--not purposely, of course!--and have discarded about 10 books after the first 20 pages in the last week.

But I read the first 100 pages in 12 hours. I'm now about 2/3 through. And. Cannot. Stop.

In fact, I'm at work, and thinking of it now.

Note that it takes a few scenes to really get a sense of the scope of the world and what the author is setting out to accomplish.

Plus, it's written by the wonderful Brian Farrey, also an editor at Flux.

Highly recommended.

2011-07-05T14:43:00.000-04:00

One of my friends has promised to show me how to make ricotta.

As someone who eats it with a spoon (and sometimes as a giant scoop on top of a salad), I'm very excited.

I'll let you know how that goes.

2011-07-05T14:40:00.000-04:00

This reminds me a little of Customers Suck (yes, from back in the days of LiveJournal--and there should be a name for that--vintage internet? Antique internet?), but in a bookshop: http://jen-campbell.blogspot.com/2011/05/weird-things-customers-say-in-bookshops.html

2011-06-29T14:08:00.001-04:00

Perhaps it's impolite to reference "the lawnmower scene" (from Mad Men) when speculating about a publishing party.

Not to worry: no one was offended.

And, as far as I know, no feet were cut off.

Happy birthday, IFI!

2011-06-29T10:58:00.000-04:00

It's (or rather recently was) IFI's birthday!

Watch GK scrape candle wax off the office counters! Watch four tall, skinny candles pierce fluffy pink frosting (to match IFI's new 'do)! Smirk as GK says, "Hi! Happy birthday! I recommend you remove the extra wax before eating." And zoom a block away to the cupcake purveyor, still probably telling her boss that I asked her about every pink cupcake in the store and then--super creative--settled on vanilla.

Happy birthday, IFI!

2011-06-22T15:12:00.001-04:00

IFI was concerned, so I thought I'd clarify: no, no one has ever set me on fire. Or come to the office with a flamethrower. Or said they would, in so many words.

So, no, IFI--no need to fear for your safety. :)

On telephones and the people who use them, OR: Why don't they ever just call to say "I love you"?

2011-06-22T14:29:00.003-04:00

A proposal shout-out (almost as much fun as eating fried food while reading diet books)

2011-06-22T11:56:00.006-04:00

The cleverest proposal shout-out I've ever seen (halfway through page 28, and complete with pie chart):

A note to [GK]: I know how you much love pie charts, so I couldn't resist including one. Since you reportedly read about 28.5 pages before making a decision about representation, I've intentionally constructed my proposal near that number.*

I actually haven't seen a shout-out in a proposal before. Is it a good idea? Like with all things, I think it depends on the agent and the rapport you have with them. In the best of all possible worlds, it's like personalizing your query letter--and then going one step further. Here, it was perfectly appropriate and delightful.

It's a book about health and eating, and--of course--I'm reading it while sipping sugary coffee before going on an agent-editor lunch date at a burger joint. One with something called "disco fries." Can't wait to see what those are.

That said, the shout-out? Even better than a caffeine buzz.

___________________________
* This is closer to "average number of pages read," from a one-month sample, but you get the idea.

Dirty Laundry: Loads of Prose

2011-06-21T19:15:00.000-04:00

It's hard to dislike a clever reading series in a themed location.

Enter Dirty Laundry: Loads of Prose, the reading series that takes place in working laundromats across the country.

See: http://www.pw.org/content/emily_rubin_tells_the_story_of_dirty_laundry_loads_of_prose

and

http://www.dirtylaundryreadings.com/.

Watermelon time!

2011-06-21T13:43:00.001-04:00

It's that time of year again: watermelon time! (Somewhat less giggle-inducing than IFI time but, I'd wager, more delicious.)

Here are some great suggestions--including cocktails, cupcakes, sorbets, and popsicles:

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/301gVN/www.yummly.com/blog/2011/06/the-coolest-watermelon-recipes-youve-ever-seen/

In reference to the "you're probably not on GK's blacklist" post:

2011-06-21T12:19:00.002-04:00

Definitely the first thing you should ever acquire when querying is a stolid (and by stolid I mean Death Star impenetrable) sense that it's all business and nothing personal. That way you don't make up funny things like 'I must be on a blacklist!' or, 'They're reading Elvis' manuscript before mine! He must've gotten back from that alien ship!'

The second things you should acquire, of course, are a really good muffin pan and a bag of homemade frosting.

Good advice, Michelle.

And may I recommend Bake it in a Cake?

Strawberry shortcake--baked, yes, into a cake.

New e-book with 72-hour turnaround time

2011-06-21T12:11:00.001-04:00

I love printed books. In fact, I feel like I'm missing out on some of the experience if I buy them electronically (as was necessary this weekend--traveling down to visit family, I realized, last minute, that I hadn't read the book for my cousin's book club. My procrastination thanks you, Kindle!).

But there's something that digital books make possible--having a work available not months, not weeks, but 72 hours after its writing. No printer needed. No shipping. Just a book, its editing, its images, and electronic distribution.

From Publishers Marketplace:

This week Adams Media published Newsday sportswriter Alan Hahn's BRUIN REDEMPTION: THE STANLEY CUP RETURNS TO BOSTON as a $7.99 ebook after a 72-hour turnaround time. The publisher said they had the book "within hours" of the Bruins' Stanley Cup win on June 15.

Not from this year. But I like this guy's enthusiasm.

Now, does this mean all books will come out within 72 hours of their completion? Of course not--this was, I'm sure, a special event--and it's entirely possible that some people from Adams were up all night (probably with coffee and, I hope, pizza) making this happen.

But I like the idea of this quick turnaround--books coming out almost as quickly as newspapers! Just knowing that it's possible is incredibly interesting.

Blacklists, fires, late correspondence, and why GK wears SPF 85

2011-06-17T11:22:00.001-04:00

GK, do you have a blacklist? I hear this is something other agents have done. And am I on it? It's been a really long time since I've heard from you. I sent two check-ins [dates included--which I will not repeat here because they were a long time ago] and never heard back.

Wow! That's a thing? I had no idea! It makes sense, though. When you're in touch with so many people, and put in the position of saying no to such a personal aspect of life and work, there will inevitably be the few who threaten to set you on fire.

So, though I wouldn't consider it a formal one--and it contains fewer that five people--yes. All for fire-like offenses. I like myself uncooked, thank you. And wear appalling amounts of sunscreen to stay that way.

Oh my.

Now, in terms of not getting back--I am horribly behind on my correspondence. In this particular case, I'm especially behind because it's a matter of knowing (over email) the writer, wanting to give a really good response of the "here are the things you have to do to make this work" variety--but, with expectations like those, very little actually gets done. And then I feel guilty for not writing for so long. And thus wait even longer.

Yes. In a weird twist, I usually take longer to get back to the people I know and like.

To give you an idea of how incredibly behind I am, I haven't responded to my real-mail penpal since February. And you know how much of an advocate I am for real letters. (Really. Send them everywhere! Even a well-placed line or two can make a huge difference. I'm sure most companies assume that, for every real letter, there are ten or twenty people who have the same opinion but are too lazy to write.)

So, yes. I do have an informal blacklist of 3-5.

But, if you haven't made any flammable threats, you are not on it.

The WSJ, bestsellers, children's books, excellent cheese, and the all-important Snarky Smash

2011-06-16T11:36:00.007-04:00

Though I don't read the WSJ regularly, I've come to expect that it'll have thought-provoking articles that spark a lot of internet debate--like the Tiger Mom piece and, more recently, the "Oh, gee, there just isn't anything good for YA readers and I left the bookstore refusing to buy anything--surely every other parent refuses to buy them too!--and, my goodness, books were NEVER this dark in my day (never mind, say, Shakespeare)" piece.

But check this out. Anyone notice anything interesting?

WSJ Hardcover Fiction, week ending June 5, 2011

The Kane Chronicles, Book 2: The Throne of Fire
Rick Riordan/Hyperion Books

The Wimpy Kid Do-It-Yourself Book
Jeff Kinney/Abrams

Oh, the Places You'll Go!
Dr. Seuss/Random House Children's Books

Catching Fire
Suzanne Collins/Scholastic

Dreams of Joy
Lisa See/Random House

10th Anniversary
James Patterson, Maxine Paetro/Little, Brown

Mockingjay
Suzanne Collins/Scholastic

Dead Reckoning
Charlaine Harris/Ace Books

Buried Prey
John Sandford/G.P. Putnam's Sons

The Warlock
Michael Scott/Delacorte Books for Young Readers

* * *
Well, there are dark themes, certainly.

But even better: half of this week's fiction bestsellers are for children.

Yup. Tell that to your writer friends at your next cocktail party. Or to the next person who says, "Oh, kids' books--uhhh--that's nice, I edit/write serious adult nonfiction. About war."

Incidentally, I went to the party that had Snarky rather angry (and considering hulk smashes) last year--yes, because we were snarked at for not waiting for the one pair of tongs per table. (See Breaking News: Cheese Plate at Brooklyn Mingle Excellent, OR: How to Throw a Successful Publishing Party.) And the cheese was, once again, excellent. And there were more tongs.

This was Snarky last year. Okay, not really. He did not attack cabs. But this is what he would have looked like, had the server come back again to complain about his lack of tong usage.

More importantly, Snarky misses you. He's inviting me out for a Maker's neat and a cigar to chat, catch up, and find a way for him to be involved again. (And I may take him up on it--a certain Club Macanudo is very pretty.)

So, look for some Snarky this summer.

Hope you're well and writing--and, in your spare time, having picnics. I keep looking longingly at the park. Sigh.

2011-06-09T12:06:00.002-04:00

Dear Inbox,
Today, I would like something that's like reading Castle.

Thank you.

GK

Frappuccinos, Frasier, Summer in NYC and A Certain Delicious Office Treat Recipe

2011-06-08T13:03:00.002-04:00

I've worked a surprising number of ridiculous summer jobs. I spent one summer deveining shrimp (technically I was a prep cook, but it seemed peeling and washing out the little bug-like creatures was my main task), one summer working for a woman who never remembered my name ("Student? STUDENT! I called you in here FIVE MINUTES AGO!") and one working for a magazine so radical, it regularly received death threats.

But my best summer job was with a chocolate company.

That's right. I was a proud member of the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory's franchise.

It was exciting (try to be bored while standing one foot from a giant bubbling cauldron of sticky caramel--really, just try), occasionally slow (there'd be long stretches where no one would come in, so I'd play with the tempering machine, coating anything extra I could find with chocolate) but, mostly, edumacational.*

A few minutes ago, IFI and I were sitting in an office quiet but for the hum of the air conditioner.

This is not our office air conditioner.

"You know what sounds really good?" I said. "A frappuccino."

"Yeah! With whipped cream!" she said.

"Yeah! When they put chocolate in the whipped cream spiral! That's awesome!"

"You know, there's one [a Starbucks] just a few blocks away," she said.

At this point, I must explain that, though it's not reached full summer heat yet (thank goodness), it's still pretty toasty. And gross out.

I briefly considered hijacking our staff and taking IFI for a Starbizzle** frap, but then I thought about going outside. And the heat. And the smell. The whole city kind of smells like pavement right now.

Plus, I'm really lazy.

Soon, IFI heard frightening sounds coming from the kitchen.

If I had more skills, I would Photoshop IFI on the front.

It's already been an unusual day--I just wrote an email to an author that mentioned both BeerFest (the movie) and Frasier--all perfectly relevant and proper in that context, I assure you--so further oddities seemed only normal.

For a variety of reasons, we have a pretty well-equipped office kitchen. It's modern, and pretty, and I live in fear of scratching the counters.

Best of all, it has a really tough blender.

I kind of guessed at the measurements from what I remembered--after all, I wasn't about to steal corporate recipes while on the job (and probably also why we used measurements like "one scoop which is nowhere near a measuring cup increment"). Plus, the RMCF had special Ghiradelli chocolate powders, which I haven't seen in NYC.

But here's what I came up with.

GK tested, IFI approved.

Try it in your office! Your colleagues will be impressed, even though it's basically a coffee smoothie.

Makes 1.5 large frappuccinos.

You will need...

1/2 cup espresso or French press or coffee-coffee brewed as strong as you can make it. Really mess with the usual grounds-to-water ratio. Lots of grounds, very little hot water.
12 large ice cubes. Ours are seriously huge and actually cube-shaped, so use a few more if you're using standard ice.
Two heaping (really, get as much as you possibly can on the spoon) teaspoons cocoa powder (I used Hershey's)
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup milk, highest fat content you have on hand

Put the ice in first (excepting 2-3 cubes), then pour the hot coffee over it. Yes, it'll crack. If you've messed with the ice halfway through the freezing process and created air bubbles, it may even pop. Fun fun.

Add the remaining ingredients and blend like crazy. If you have a pulse setting, use that. Stir to make sure all the ice is included.

Then add the last two ice cubes, and blend. This keeps everything from being so smooth that it melts right away.

If you have whipped cream and chocolate or caramel syrup on hand, use that too.

Serve and enjoy!
_________________________________
* The sugar, clearly, has gone to my head.
** "Izzle" is, according to middle class, white, suburban yet somehow "gangsta" friends, an excellent and versatile suffix.

I'm rather enjoying this.

2011-06-06T19:52:00.000-04:00

As Always, Julia: The Letters of Julia Child and Avis DeVoto

I'm especially enjoying the parts about how Avis--someone Julia met after taking a risk and sending a set of nice French knives to Avis's husband, who'd just written a piece about the sad state of American cutlery--convinced Julia to go with Houghton Mifflin.

It was a gesture that changed the course of literature (and, rather likely, American pop/food culture)--who knows what would have happened if Mastering the Art of French Cooking had gone to Ives Washburn?

Note that Houghton Mifflin (now Houghton Mifflin Harcourt) publishes this book, too. :)

It's a lovely book so far.

Procrastination. No one's immune.

2011-06-05T22:38:00.000-04:00

An email earlier today:
Subject line: Still waiting.... :)

Hey GK,
I'm still waiting on that list of new novels I just HAVE to teach my 8th graders next year!
-D

An email somewhat later today:
Subject line: ...
Hey, D.
What's the last possible date for you to order said books?

I will make this list. Someday. I promise.

And, if I don't, I will get a cat to eat my homework. An orange one.

Discuss.

2011-06-05T19:25:00.003-04:00

From the The Wall Street Journal:

Darkness Too Visible: Contemporary fiction for teens is rife with explicit abuse, violence and depravity. Why is this considered a good idea?

http://online.wsj.com/article_email/SB10001424052702303657404576357622592697038-lMyQjAxMTAxMDAwNTEwNDUyWj.html

(And many thanks to Stef Kramer, who sent this on to me. You can check out her blog here.)

I'm sure you can guess my position on the matter--but I'd like to know yours.

It is IFI time!

2011-06-02T17:30:00.000-04:00

2011-06-02T12:24:00.002-04:00

IFI has just created something brilliant.

I will post momentarily.

2011-06-01T13:03:00.000-04:00

You can now watch the YA Buzz Panel on PM's front page! Won't be there for long, so tune in soon. http://www.publishersmarketplace.com/

Strawberry cake

2011-05-31T11:10:00.003-04:00

I suppose, if you're really pressed for time, you just could make a half recipe of a white cake mix, smooth it into the bottom of a round cake pan, and press the halved strawberries into the top.

Be sure to sprinkle the two tablespoons of granulated sugar over the strawberries, which helps them turn into the proper consistency.

I may have made this twice this weekend.

2011-05-30T14:58:00.000-04:00

http://smittenkitchen.com/2011/05/strawberry-summer-cake/

Yes, it's that good.

Being Brooklyn, three guests at a picnic asked, "Ooh, is that the new Smitten Kitchen cake?"

Why yes. Yes, it is.

If you don't follow Smitten Kitchen, and if you like food, you should get on that. All of the recipes come out beautifully. And the photographs jump right off the page. Yes. Go.

GK's favorite iced tea

2011-05-30T12:49:00.000-04:00

(With thanks to IFI, for brewing technique)

This is so good, I just pawned it off on one of our authors. I offered him ice water--no. Iced tea? No. "Are you sure?" I asked. "I just invented something, and it's really good. Please let me make you a glass?"

He agreed. And he loves it. GK tested, author approved!

You will need:

Blackcurrant tea
A teacup
A glass filled to the top with ice
Sweetener of your choice
Milk, soymilk or half and half

Technique:

Boil water as you would normally for tea.
Pour the water over the teabag, to fill the teacup halfway (around 1/2 cup hot water + teabag).
Add sweetener of choice.
Wait 2-3 minutes for tea to brew.
Pour tea and sweetener over ice. Ice will melt.
Add milk. Stir.
Enjoy!

2011-05-27T20:36:00.000-04:00

Can someone please invent a service that delivers exactly the amount you need (for example, two tablespoons of balsamic in tiny Tupperware) for any recipe you email them? Same day? For cheap? Yes please.

Surge!

2011-05-26T14:32:00.002-04:00

As you can imagine, we're all rather tired today. IFI came up with a genius way of making gorgeous iced tea, and I feel like I might drink gallons.

As some of you may remember, I'm kind of obsessed with Surge, former beverage of the nineties.

And I just heard the best story of Surge soda enjoyed to its fullest.

I have a feeling you have some stories, too. Do share! Red Bull just isn't the same.

Kale, iDoLVine, Margaret Atwood, the ridiculous gorgeousness of last night's Harlequin party, and sushi

2011-05-26T14:05:00.003-04:00

So. Last night was the latest and greatest in a series of seriously amazing BEA events.

First, the Workman party, with delicious dumplings (seriously--I could not stop eating them), cute little rolled sandwiches, fancy ice creams (lemon, lavender, and salted caramel), modern, gorgeous offices (it would seem that all of the staff is handy with a printer: many had custom bins at their stations, one notable one being red with REJECT printed on it), stunning views, and friendly people. Oh, and a table of books for grabs, including the very useful Miracle Ball Method kit. We all seem to slump while reading. This kit helps.

Then I was whisked uptown. Three of us crammed into the back of a speeding taxi to 50th and Lex, the Kimberly Hotel. I'd never heard of it--but, as they say, find the fancy hotels, and anything nearby will be good. It's right across from the Waldorf-Astoria.

This was Harlequin's party, and it was gorgeous--tropical flowers everywhere, a rooftop so high up the ground was difficult to see, open bar with top-shelf liquor and inventive bartenders (one woman asked for something "fruity, fizzy, and boozy"--and it was delicious--I'm pretty sure they added pureed strawberries), and--best of all--a sushi chef. Yup. You'd walk up, say what you wanted, and he'd assemble it all in front of you. I, for one, am never able to make perfect inside-out rolls--the ones on the ends always squish. But these were gorgeous. And delicious.

Yup--this was the actual rooftop. This is not actually my picture.

Best of all, Margaret Atwood was there. A friend asked if she seemed especially Canadian--I would say she didn't, but some of the people with her did. She was there with her agent and two men who have a seriously awesome new technology I'll discuss in a second. Also, she's doing a really wonderful job of being accessible online--you can follow her clever tweets on Twitter, for example. And everyone is all atwitter about her presentation at BEA.

And she seems lovely. We were all falling all over ourselves, of course, and she handled that gracefully.

Now. What is this new technology?

Well. Have you ever had the experience of seeing that an author you love is reading and signing books--but nowhere near where you live?

Enter iDoLVine (pronounced "idle-vine"), which allows for thirty-second web chat interactions between you and the author giving the event--just as if you'd gone up to have a book signed. The author signs a pad, which can make a personalized signature (or, if you're like me and like to request drawings, a drawing) appear in your e-book. Each one comes with the ability to have it printed once in a paper copy at an iDoLVine station (which, I imagine, will be at bookstores around the country), replicated perfectly by a robotic arm.

Yeah! I know!

I was talking to the iDoLVine reps about all of this. He says that there's only one other person at BEA doing anything like this (though, I believe he said, on a smaller scale) and that the technology will be ready in a matter of months.

And yes, I'm allowed to tell all of you this. I asked that, too.

As you can imagine, we're all rather tired today. Agents were still up on that pretty rooftop, lounging in pretty furniture and hanging out by a functional (but not on at the moment) fireplace long after I left at midnight.

And it's book group tonight--we're reading A Visit From the Goon Squad, which is weird (in a good way) and would be unwieldy in the hands of any author without Egan's talent. I'm still forming my overall opinion. I liked the forty (not really, but it seemed that way) pages of charts, but skipped over them. And, for whatever reason, the punk song (the lyrics are in the book) turned into some bizarre brain mishmash (I could really imagine how it'd sound) that is now stuck in my head. I know. Strange. But plenty to discuss, for a book group.

Since we've all been eating so much, here's what I'm bringing to group tonight: the most perfect kale-quinoa salad ever. Before you think "Quinoa, yuck!" or even "Salad, yuck!" I will give you my word that this ridiculously healthy, vegan, raw recipe is addictive. Almost everyone I know who's made it has confessed to eating the entire batch in one sitting. For serious. It looks weird, it has to sit six hours before the lemon juice softens the kale, but it's awesome.

And I made it with normal kale (see above). Dino/black tuscan kale is sometimes hard to find, but normal kale is super cheap and (supposedly--I kill plants) really easy to grow. I also recommend using a salad spinner on the greens after you wash them. The OXO one is awesome, should you be looking for such things. You can also just pat dry.

Here's the recipe: http://www.amysfoodroom.com/2009/03/raw-kale-salad-with-quinoa.html. Someone brought it to a dinner party, and it we've all been making it since. Seriously. Delicious.

2011-05-26T01:28:00.002-04:00

I just met Margaret Atwood.

2011-05-25T12:00:00.000-04:00

As predicted, the Soho Press party was somewhat ridiculous. It was a preview of summer, heat-wise (Housing Works is beautiful, large, and tall, but it was very, very crowded--and the windows don't open), and almost everyone I spoke to was near-melting, overwhelmed (who wouldn't be, when such a large percentage of the industry is there, one ends having those Oh gosh! I interned with you SEVEN YEARS AGO, how ARE you?! conversations), and happy. I'd say the overall industry mood feels rather optimistic. We're not at a point of serving shrimp at parties yet (still not a budget for that), but soft cheeses? Yes. Definitely soft cheeses.

Housing Works by day. Note the awesome staircases. Last night, however, it looked much more like this.

And the answer to GK's pop quiz?

2011-05-24T17:11:00.003-04:00

All of the above.

Yes, really.

The YA Buzz Panel, NYPL lions, and why one should always bring Band-Aids to BEA

2011-05-24T17:11:00.000-04:00

The Javits Center is known for many things--mind-boggling enormity, its strange ability to smell like carpet, paper, and fast food (usually something akin to old corn dogs, but today, Sarah Dessen whoopie pies! I snagged a red velvet one, and it was delicious)--but great phone reception, it is not. So, I was all set to blast out a few real time updates--Half an hour early to YA Buzz Panel! 1/3 of seats already taken! and No one knows where the ARCs are! and TOTAL FEEDING FRENZY and I very nearly just got a paper cut in my eye!--but, alas.

Last night's updates would have been Red sky in the morning, book people take warning! (aka, There is no way I am going out on a boat in this weather! Even if it is docked and really cute!) and This New Orleans-style bar is already out of Abita's Purple Haze! Noooooooooooo!

Bourbon Street Bar & Grill, setting of the Digital Book World party. Cute, yes? Yes. Would be cuter with more Abita.

True confession time: I killed my cell phone, and have been too lazy to get a new one. One that, you know, can get the internet (even) in (very far west) Manhattan. Temporary, until-I-get-an-upgrade-in-June GoPhone, you are my frenemy.

So, I'm back in the office, taking a breather. Yes, you read that right. Taking a break. By doing work.

That said, five very awesome-sounding books (and their editors) were on display this year. I lust(ed) heartily after four of the books, and take a keen interest in the fifth. The moderator, from the NYPL (did you know the lions had a cleaning in 2004 and, ever since, have not been allowed their annual holiday wreaths? Neither did I) was at once hilarious and insightful.

The five buzz books:

The aforementioned Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor
The Carrier of the Mark by Leigh Fallon
Au Revoir, Crazy European Chick by Joe Schreiber
The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer by Michelle Hodkin
Down the Mysterly River by Bill Willingham

As the moderator pointed out--yes, a lot of these covers feature girls flying without faces.

There were great stories to go along with these books--an editor calling an agent back after reading six pages, and telling her "Don't you dare sell this without telling me"; unanimously approving ed boards (which is rare); books selected via websites (one did very well on InkPop); an editor growing up in the city, having no idea what a badger looks like, and asking her cover artist, "Really? That's what they look like?" and--my favorite, for its perfect way of describing a book's ability to be both funny and horrific--an editor was reading the manuscript and her daughter asked why she was laughing. And she had to tell her that it was because a man was being attacked by a bear. (Which got a roar of approval from the crowd.)

It's always a bit crazy at the end of these buzz panels--everyone follows everyone else, hoping to discover where the ARCs are and get a good spot to hover. Usually there's a table; this year--for whatever reason--there were boxes in a corner that went unopened after the first box was given away. Picture around fifty or seventy young women, most in their twenties, close to willing to resort to violence. When we were all standing there for a long time (okay, probably less than a minute, but still) without any new boxes opened, one edit-staffer tore open the first box, and started passing them to those in the front, who passed them back. A very civilized arrangement, many people commented. The people from the next group told us (over the loudspeaker) we had to leave--nothing. There were no tools, only fingernails--still, the feeding frenzy continued. The Carrier of the Mark was gone in about thirty seconds. I heard rumor of a small box of The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer, but never saw it.

I got out of there with four ARCs (yes, two of Daughter of Smoke & Bone--I've read only the first page, but I'm enchanted already) and only one minor scratch. Not to worry, I have Band-Aids. I come prepared.

In terms of parties, yes, there were several last night and our schedules for the next few days are simply ridiculous. You can check out the list of (semi-) public parties here. It's my prediction that the Soho Press party tonight will be one of the biggest (yes, perhaps because of the open bar). Huge groups of rather important people were turned away for the Electric Literature party at the very swanky Standard in the Meatpacking District (not my favorite neighborhood: it seems to consist mostly of cobblestones and stilettos); no one knew they had to RSVP. In the elevator, on the defeated ride back down eighteen stories, someone commented on how "the gatekeeper" (I'm sure they meant the young, modelesque women who heard these famous names and replied that, no, they don't know who they are) was very tough. Which got something of an inappropriate chuckle from me.

The lobby of the Standard Hotel

So, yes. Time for more coffee, more sugar (I'm seriously loving these caramel-covered chocolate wedges from Trader Joe's), more zooming around like a madwoman. In flats, today. Tried the (low) heels yesterday, and that's just not going to happen again. Like I said: Band-Aids.

Hope this finds you well.

Pop Quiz!

2011-05-20T13:47:00.005-04:00

Where is GK?!?

Is she....

A) Being lazy. And probably sipping lemonade. From real lemons.

B) On vacation in an undisclosed mountainous region. Forget Camp David--it's Camp GK!

C) Resting after sending out two seriously awesome manuscripts.

D) Preparing for BEA and a ridiculous set of parties.

E) Celebrating the completion of a sweet contract for a seriously amazing book.

F) Scheduling a new army of interns (yes, IFI will have new friends!)

G) None of the above.

H) All of the above!

I) I'm not answering. The SAT prep course says you get a negative 1/4th point if you guess incorrectly.

Stay tuned! Answer forthcoming...

And the Internet Famous Intern Responds...

2011-04-26T16:41:00.000-04:00

I totally made these for my book club.

2011-04-22T20:22:00.000-04:00

And yes, they were amazing.

http://smittenkitchen.com/2009/01/car-bomb-cupcakes/

I can't say enough nice things about Smitten Kitchen.

Naturally, I made these the lazy way--I just popped a square of dark chocolate into the center of each before baking (which makes a nice molten chocolate center) and mixed a tiny bottle of Bailey's (actually a knock-off I'd never seen before--"Molly's"--because our hostess for the evening is named Molly) with store-brand frosting and drizzled it over the top.

Heat before serving to liquefy the chocolate.

Coming soon: GK's favorites

2011-04-22T20:18:00.000-04:00

Hey GK,
Other than Wither or the Hunger Games series, could you recommend a half dozen or more YA novels I just HAVE to teach in my 8th grade classroom next year? I'd appreciate the input when you get a chance. Not sure when that'll be 'cuz I know you're swamped, but I'm willing to wait a lil' while.
Thanks,
D

Hey D.,
I'm in the process of putting together a "GK's favorites" or "GK recommends" list. Now, will I actually stick to books? Probably not.

I have this garlic press that is totally rocking my world, so that'll probably end up on the list somehow, too.

But thank you for asking!

GK

No More Gatsby House.

2011-04-19T12:19:00.000-04:00

"Lands End, the Long Island mansion that inspired F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby, met a wrecking ball this weekend. This architectural legend’s demise, while a curiosity for literary buffs, provides a few anthropological allegories about America."

http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/78483/the-gatsby-house-goes-down-and-three-allegories-rise/

I always pictured it rather differently.

2011-04-17T17:05:00.001-04:00

If you haven't read Wither, you need to get yourself a copy right now.

I know this, because I left my copy at a friend's house. She's super busy; I'll see her for book club, but that's on Thursday. I can't wait that long! I MUST KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

So I've considered the following:

Overnighting myself another copy.
Reading more in B&N until they throw me out.
Downloading the Kindle version--but the cover is so pretty! The book design is so pretty! No, no, can't do that.
Trying to distract myself with other books, the way dieters seem to think that if they eat ten pounds of carrots they won't miss the two ounces of chocolate. Never works. Scratch that.

One of the things I like best so far is that it's both dystopian and--somehow lovely. I, for one, was a huge fan of Beauty and the Beast (the Disney version, and all the other versions, too). There's something of the enchanted castle about the place--beautiful descriptions to contrast with the sheer horror of it all. I can totally picture the mansion, the food, the library, the almost-magical-sounding, effervescent bath products.

Oh! I must do something!

Have you read it? Do you love it?

NO SPOILERS PLEASE.

GK, GK, Pants on Fire!

2011-04-13T11:28:00.001-04:00

...Or not. In fact, even if they were (though I am not wearing pants today, but...well...yet another cardigan and skirt in very exciting grey), it's raining so hard that the flames would soon be put out.

(Plus, I seem to have more of a problem telling too much truth. TMI, GK! TMI.)

But, again, were I on fire today, I would probably arrive in the office looking only mildly scorched, the way Wile E. Coyote does after building a brand new explosive, setting it off, and then--with a mouth that looks rather like a straight, unimpressed line--picking up a piece of fur that'd fallen off his shoulder and straightening it.

Some aloe vera--mine's still alive!--bandages, hair product, and a Sephora perfume sample would totally fix this. Especially if I'd been sporting the New York uniform of black, black, and black.

Now. What's the point of all of this?

Today GK's been featured on the Writer, Writer, Pants on Fire blog, discussing very important things like flying planes, hiding dishes, mechanical bulls, and spiral mac-n-cheese. All totally relevant to your career. Naturally.

There's also a contest involving an awesome prize.

So, go to! The interview can be found here.

Ask the (Internet Famous) Intern

2011-04-07T12:00:00.002-04:00

A few notes:

I'm not this grumpy! :)
Her hair really is blue/green. In places. In fact, there was a great morning when she came in, very serious, and said, "I...have a question. Can I still work here if I have blue hair? Can I still go to publishing parties?" My boss and I laughed. "Of course!" (Really, anything goes, so long as you wear a cardigan and/or glasses.)

Send her questions (via the comments of this post)! She'll choose her favorite and answer in a comic.

And....go!

Sometimes agents are perplexing. Even to other agents.

2011-04-06T11:06:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, a writer sent me a series of snippets of conversation from another agency. "Do they mean that I should submit a revision now? Or that I have to write a new book to be in touch with them?" she asked (much more elegantly, of course).

I thought about it. I reviewed the correspondence. I asked my intern, in case I was missing something.

And I ended up writing back approximately five paragraphs of I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THEY MEANT.

There was so much encouragement, yet few actual invitations--so much in the way of "We like your writing" with so little in the way of directives.

Sometimes agents are perplexing.

Even to other agents.

Oooh...burn.

2011-04-05T17:43:00.000-04:00

From http://gizmodo.com/#!5789097/dying-borders-tells-amazon-to-go-to-hell-in-most-passive-aggressive-way-possible

Haunted hotels, speakeasies, crazy dudes, and great stories that happen to be pitches

2011-04-03T10:19:00.003-04:00

There were gargoyles, chandeliers, gothic numerals, creepy framed pictures, and antique everything. The lights came on when I walked into the room, and the bathroom door closed me in darkness before I had a chance to find the light switch. My first thought? They totally put all of the agents in a haunted hotel.

It was a B&B, actually, of the sort where check-in is picking up your key from an envelope and checking out is dropping it in a box. It looked like a 100-year-old townhouse (we've since learned it was much older) and that its neighborhood, though it looked scary, was actually quite safe (if you didn't cross a street two blocks away). We found square pizza, live jazz, amazing fries, a fancy bar that was once a speakeasy (the eyes of a prominent decoration would blink when the police arrived) and a famous (after appearing in Esquire) beer bar in an old mansion.

But before all that, we spent the day taking pitches.

I've come to the conclusion that people who live south of the Mason-Dixon are just better at telling stories. Maybe it's that they feel freer to take up more than thirty seconds, and therefore add illuminating details. Maybe the slower speech rhythm allows for each word to take on more meaning, to convey more of what the teller sees when picturing it. Whatever the case, I loved it. I sat with my chin on my folded hands and listened and pictured and asked questions, as if I wasn't hearing about queries and manuscripts, but hearing stories from intriguing people at a party in a historic setting. (I am a huge fan of old buildings. It seems such a shame that most buildings now are built for speed alone.)

I was so pleased with one of the writers who came to speak with me--I felt as though we had so much to talk about, and loved the idea so much that I blurted, "I sure hope your writing is extraordinary, because I love this concept"--that I very nearly texted my boss to say, "I think I found a new [one of our favorite clients]!" I didn't--I've since learned that such behavior is unlucky (yes, yes, there is a great deal of room for superstition in subjective businesses)--but I thought about it. And now that I'm home--"Party train!" the agents called it, upon finding we were all on the same one--I'm seriously considering emailing the writer first.

Yeah. If there were such a thing as The Rules for nice young agents, I'd be totally breaking them.

What, Rules? I have a perfectly good excuse. She may not remember the title of a book I mentioned, and she'd love it. Deprive a reader of a book she'd love? I think not!

Speaking of young, as I've probably mentioned, it seems I can't go anywhere with other young agents without us getting, at the very least, "Damn kids!" glares. (Sometimes from the very people about to pitch to us--it's fun to watch their expressions go from "WHY are they so rowdy? This is a conference, not a frat house!"* to "Oh...maybe they'll like my book.") Another agent traveled down with me on the train, and we were told, in no uncertain terms, to shush. Talking about books too loudly, it would seem. Sorry, Amtrak!

Oh. And then there was the guy we had to have removed from the conference.

Creepy Dude, as we were calling him, happened to come in right before the free cocktail hour. Imagine that.

He didn't take off his sunglasses. He just kept asking questions, saying things like, "Say I have this friend. With all these degrees. Say this friend has a book. I'm just here to represent...that book. Yeah, I represent it. Say! Where are you from? What company? What's an agent? Do you do work for charity? I'd need you to do this for free. What's the book about? It's...hard to describe. It's fiction and nonfiction."

One of the conference organizers was sitting with us, growing less and less impressed. Did the man register? "Yeah, yeah, sure." Did he pay? "What are you trying to say?" the guy said, mock-offended.

"Uh...we have to be...upstairs," one of the agents said, and we left.

Then we called the conference member's cell phone, which was emailed to us. "Hi!" I said. "We're calling to free you from the crazy man."

"Uh...thank you! Thank you," he said. We all laughed.

At the ending ceremonies--with amazing food, I might add, including giant spheres of goat cheese!--the conference guy told us about a home-brew beer bar in a mansion with (yes, more) chandeliers, mirrors, moldings, and a simply incredible ceiling medallion. (I am especially fond of ceiling medallions.)

We had two hours until our train, so we all headed down.

And one of the taps was...a pitchfork. "I don't care what that is, I'm having that," I said. Or thought. Probably thought. In case it was gross. It wasn't. It was light, hoppy, and--as one of the other agents would say--bananas. (But not banana-flavored. Just...ridiculous in a good way.) And it was $3.25. $3.25! In a place that looks like this!

"Where ARE we?" I said to another agent. "We're certainly not in New York anymore!"

So, yes. We had a blast. The attendees were very polite and pleasant. They were all well-prepared, and I saw some seriously excellent query letters. (Apparently they workshop them--which is a very good idea.) I'm hoping, hoping, hoping I receive that one manuscript soon, and that I love it. And that the others are as good at writing as they are at telling stories.

Hope you're well and that spring has arrived. There were apple blossoms out this weekend--but there are still only leaf buds in New York. Sigh.

___________________________________
* I have never been to a frat house. True fact. But I've heard they're rowdy.

So. Freaking. Cute.

2011-04-03T08:36:00.001-04:00

See Tuxedo Peeps recipe here: http://blogs.babble.com/family-kitchen/2011/03/28/tuxedo-peeps/

On check-ins--that necessary, uncomfortable, "Hi, how're you doing on that manuscript?" not-so-evil

2011-03-29T12:27:00.002-04:00

Here's what happens when you check in:

I forward your email, if it comes to one of the other accounts, to the account for manuscripts.
I forward the conversation with your manuscript to manuscript e-mail again, so it's at the top and more visible.
The conversation gets bright yellow "Checked in" tag.
In most cases, I add the e-mail address of the writer to my calendar, so I get a little notification if I haven't been in touch within two weeks of the check-in.
Also, in most cases, I get back with some variant of, "Oh! Yes! Cool! I'll be in touch soon!"--that said, I get a lot of emails, and there are certainly some that don't get this friendly reply--but I do read them and make a mental note.

Here's what doesn't happen when you check in (these from the worries writers have expressed to me):

I think, "Uggh, I hate this writer! Why won't s/he leave me alone?"
I think, "Oh, geez. This person will be hard to work with."
I write back, "LEAVE ME ALONE! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?!"
I think: "I hope this writer has a day job."

In general, so long as you're nice about it and don't email, say, all the time, I'm thankful for check-ins.

After all, you have one (or perhaps two) manuscripts to keep track of.

But I have more than a hundred. At all times. And I get several hundred emails about manuscripts every day.

Here is my preferred check-in schedule--though do note that a lot of agents have different preferences (some--probably those with file folders with neatly typed labels and otherwise color-coded desks--don't like them at all):

One check-in when the standard response time has elapsed.
One check-in every two weeks thereafter, until you get a response (rejection or request for phone meeting).

Here's a post about wording check-ins.

Here's a check-in that worked.

And here's a post about how I sort and prioritize incoming materials.

Do I occasionally get check-ins, especially if it's a day with a lot of them (eight yesterday), and feel like a jerk/person who may as well have an avalanche for a desk/severely coffee-deficient?

Yes. But I promise I won't take it out on you. Or your work.

2011-03-24T12:54:00.000-04:00

Raising Elijah is amazing so far. I keep talking about it, which is, to me, a very good sign.

And I've been marking passages with hair pins--which will give you an idea of how much I liked them (I was out of post-it flags--and, happily, only got a few strange looks on the subway).

So. More soon. And it would appear that Amazon is letting you purchase the title now, though its official release date isn't for a few days.

Dude, GK. Where ARE you?

2011-03-23T14:23:00.002-04:00

I'm still here! I'm going on a little "It's almost spring, so I'm getting my last bit of hibernation out of the way!" break. This involves a yoga binge, giving up television, choosing to write by hand more often, dodging a lot of invites (and there are so many, now that it's warm), dreaming of the first picnic of the season, and--strangest of all--giving up caffeine beyond green tea.

And falling in love with a manuscript. I've been doing that too. It's amazing how that happens. I'd love someone to do a test and see if all of the chemicals related to love--dopamine, oxytocin--are coursing through my surprisingly undercaffeinated veins.

I was sitting up in my office, yesterday, making little sounds--my boss apparently picked up my empty plate and took it away, and I didn't notice--and I kept making "Oh! Oh gosh! No--don't...! Oh--okay--whew" reading sounds.

Yes. I am worse than an avid football fan yelling at the television. Poor Kindle.

I'm also kind of obsessing about kneadless breads. I'm dreaming about stirring in olives and rosemary. And infusing olive oil with rosemary, for dipping. The first time I saw the recipe, I was like, "How is that simple? It takes 24 hours!" But--well--it is. Sort of. If you already have a cast-iron dutch oven. Amazon seems to think this one is a good idea.

I also made Dirt Dessert for my writing group. They asked for something spring-like--and what's more spring-y than soil? And I served it in a flower pot:

Yes--that's crushed Oreos and chocolate pudding, stirred--with some gummi worms on top. I'm trying it again for my other group, and will see if I can find some gummi frogs--and perhaps a (clean) garden spade, for serving.

I also have two new plants: a palm frond, and an aloe vera plant.

If you'd like to place bets on how long they'll last before I inevitably kill them, make your guesses now.

Winner gets a bag of gummi frogs (probably from Dylan's Candy Bar)!