And today's "bad idea for your query's first line" award goes to:

"I'm not sure if we're a good match or not."


SJDuvall said...

You mean no one today has said: "You'll hate my book, but I just had to query you"?

Agency Gatekeeper said...

Or, "I hate agents, but I guess you'll do"?

Nope. :)

Colin said...

"I'm not sure if we're a good match or not. . ."

-But we might make a great lighter.

-So, on second thought, I don't want to marry you. But let me tell you about this book I wrote. . .

-Partly because I am an octopus selling cigars, are your aquatic cigar needs being met? We have brochures.

Agency Gatekeeper said...

How does an octopus keep (or get) a cigar lit underwater? Does it have special, magical, paranormal fire? Or is it a land octopus?

I, for one, would like a brochure. :)

Lindsay said...

Dear AG,

I am querying you because everyone else has already rejected this ms but I'm pretty sure you will "get it".

So what if it isn't "marketable" or "original" (I keep thinking of Chris Farley's air quote skit on SNL years ago)? Let's sell this puppy so I can get a kick-butt pontoon boat for vacay.


Colin said...

These questions could be answered in half-hour segments every week. If we pair the octopus with a hapless but lovable pelican, I think I smell a winning sitcom.
-either that, or napalm. (sniff sniff)
Yeah, napalm.

Agency Gatekeeper said...

Colin, now that you bring it up, I think I need to learn the following: 1) how to get an octopus into a high-class cigar bar, and 2) what napalm smells like.

Can you describe?

Here's Sarah Silverman on the smell of the Houston St 1 train stop today: "The pee smell at the 1/9 stop at Houston and Varick has notes of hickory & undertones of citrus."

For other witticisms, you can see her on (uggh) Twitter:

Colin said...

1) Tell him he's got talent but you need to meet him to make sure he has 'presence.' Only then will you rep his book.(or buy his cigars, or pitch his pilot to the networks, etc.)
2) Victory. (See: Robert Duval in Apocalypse Now)

:) said...

Dear GK,

"Riches beyond your wildest dreams await you."

"Let me introdeduce you to my main character, MC. He's like me only not me, really, because he's much less cool for skool."

"Check out my blog for the next big thingie. Oprah's already commented and she says it's gonna be BIIIIIIIiiiiiG!"