On Squirrels, Google, Elmo, and The End of Publishing As We Know It

I came home to find my roommate terrified--not because of swine flu, not because of the current healthcare debates (I'm truly frustrated--may just take a news vacation), and not even because of the squirrel that's been scratching at our kitchen window. (Really, it's terrifying: once, at our last place, we left the window open and I came home to find a squirrel on top of our refrigerator, halfway into a box of cereal. I went into survival mode and started lobbing tostada shells at it. It smartly jumped out the window. Nevermore! We now have super screens. I tell you--the hazards of living on tree-lined streets! )

My roommate was worried, having read, and believed (it was by Amy Goodman, after all), an article that stated that Google's tampering with copyright could be the end of publishing as we know it.

Frankly, I think the print news media is taking advantage of an easily manipulated prejudice of their audience: if you're reading their publication, you like reading and, therefore, probably like books.

This is like placing an article in Fine Cooking that says foie gras--or, far more apocalyptic in my opinion, soft-ripened cheeses--will never be available ever again. Or like writing in Lacrosse Magazine that the government is considering banning lacrosse sticks (dangerous items as they are).

In any case--through fear, it gets attention--and thus readership.

But I'm really not pleased. (Imagine that several steps ruder: that's what I'm really thinking.)

I can't help but liken it to the news treatment of, oh, I don't know--Homeland Security threat levels a few years ago. (I loved those interviews with small-town women--remember, I'm from a small town, so I can make fun--who'd say, "Well, I'm really worried that they might try to knock down our silo...")

Let me say this: no one I know in the industry is worried that Google's breaking of copyright laws will singlehandedly end publishing as we know it. It's stupidity, and perhaps megalomania, on the part of a small fraction of an otherwise great company. Rather, we're annoyed that they're sending us stacks of envelopes that we (or our interns) have to stamp and re-address to send to our authors, so that they can receive information on their settlement checks. I mean, you're GOOGLE! Can't you send emails??

I think it's about time someone made good fun of the "this is the end of publishing as we know it" sentiment that seems to echo with annoying frequency throughout the news.

Remember Threat Level Elmo? He'd change colors (and Sesame characters) depending on how endangered we supposedly were.

Someone, please invent an amusing "It's the end of publishing!" threat level system.

In similar news, check out this Elmo Gone Evil, below.

And no, I didn't think the article in question was worth a link in this post. You wanna read it that badly? Google it!